Are you your husband’s mistress?

women shopping for shoesMy husband says that I can make a friend anywhere.

If I am in a restaurant and I excuse myself to go to the restroom, I always come back with a friend to introduced to him or at the least I will be able to tell him her life story. Yesterday, while shopping in the shoe section at Ross, I was looking at a particular pair of brown Kenneth Cole boots for the winter. A woman shopping next to me commented on how much she like the Kenneth Cole boots I was admiring. Her comment was the invitation we both needed to become instant shopping friends.

Our conversation began with our love of great boots and then went on to our hatred for the price tag they wore. We discussed all the stores we had visited and all the boots we had tried on in the quest to find the perfect fit for our wardrobe and our budget.

As we talked and my new friend tried on two pairs of short boots, she asked me, “What do you think of each of these boots?” I looked at them individually with the pretend eye of a fashion designer and said, “The one on the right makes you look like a housewife. The one on the left makes you look like a mistress.”

The boots on the left were fun and they brought out her personality. They made her look like she made an effort when she got dressed. The boots on the right were flat, plain and frumpy and made her look like she had just climbed out of bed and thrown something on.

We both laughed and chuckled at the idea that a short boot could have such an impact,  and then confessed to each other how easy it is to fall into the trap of dressing in yoga pants and sweatshirts outside our normal work routine clothes. In between our laughter and conversation about how much we liked living in yoga pants, my new friend said: “But the boots on the right are so comfortable, how could I not get them?” I said jokingly: “Well you could buy them, just don’t wear them in front your husband.” We both left the store that day with a pair of what we will forever call, the “mistress boots” and were both very happy with our purchase.

This afternoon of shopping left me with this question:

How do I dress? Do I dress like a housewife or do you dress like I am dating?

In a national survey for the book For Women Only given by researcher, author and speaker, Shaunti Feldman, 83% of men said they want their “wife/significant other to look good and feel energetic. It is not as important that she look just like she did the day we met. It is more important that she make the effort to take care of herself for me now.”’

Women are perpetually assaulted by television and media, told they must obtain the perfect body, fashion, hair and make-up. That is not what this blog is about.

It’s not even about cute boots. It is about asking yourself the question:

Do I still pay attention to the things my husband loves? Am I attentive to the details that make him feel loved, respected, and accepted in our home?

Maybe your husband is one of the few who doesn’t care about outward appearance, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other needs. What is his love language? Does he look forward to your home cooked meals or does he like random acts of kindness like finding his car washed and his dry cleaning picked up? Or maybe he is the man who needs your full and complete attention when you or he walks through the doors after a long day at work, not detracted by phones, children or pets. Maybe he is the man that needs to spend quality time with you away from responsibilities (without the kids).

Whatever it is that your husband needs, choose today to act as if you were dating and keep the sizzle alive. Decide that you will be the only mistress your husband has.



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